Christians Christmas & New Years!

 We've got lots to go over in today's post. The long-awaited post going over... 

🎁🎄 Christians Christmas®️ 🎅🎁

...with a bonus going over his annual NYE party last night.

"It was just great. Thanks to everyone that came out to the party last night. Everyone, except Joey Dingus Jr., Marion Tittlewick and Alexis Barichovum. You guys nearly ruined the party! Who smears their shit on someone else's bathroom walls as soon as the ball dropped? Cowards."

- Christian

First number on our list of things to go over:

1.) Christians Christmas®️

So, first off, I want to shout out a big thanks to ScoopDad Industries for generously donating 50 (yes, 50!) ScoopDad 3000 premium sand houses, my boys were super pumped about their new shit boxes. Remember, if you want quality & comfort, you want ScoopDad.

Next up, the Christmas tree. Christian went deep into the Appalachian Mountains to sniff out this years present receptacle.  He didn't go alone though. He went with his best pal in the whole flat Earth. Monkey. You know her folks, ol' Keystone Light herself. Christian and Monkey had planned this trip for months, and they had an absolute blast! Cranking up the cassette player in Monkeys '89 Honda Accord, jamming to Helmet, getting old school with Boyz II Men, to smokin' and passin' a doobie. You name it, they did it. The boys were back in town! Wow!

Problems were had though. Monkeys car wasn't quite big enough for the tree Christian picked out. So, they had to do what any duo would do. 

"If it don't fit, force it."

They ended up managing to get the tree in, but half of it was hanging out of the two door Honda's trunk. They got about halfway home before a winter storm kicked up and they got trapped in San Antonio. After waiting 2 days for the -40° wind chill to pipe down, they made it back home. It didn't come without a loss though...

"The wind was so fucking cold 4 of my nipples got frost bite. Thankfully Monkey knows a good plastic surgeon. Dr. Fenderbend was his name. Nice man. Handsome man. Broad shoulders, wide hips. He plastered those babies right back on my stomach. Thanks doc, call me sometime (440) 867-5309."

Now it's time to put up the tree & decorate. Wait til you guys see this...

Absolutely incredible. Every decoration on the tree was hand crafted by Christians 13 adopted kittens over the course of a week. He really cracks the whip to make them work fast! Wow! 

Monkey had a few things to do this Christians Christmas too. Let's check in with her & see how her present wrapping went.

...love that dog.