If you've been following The Christian Appreciation Society, then you know he likes to celebrate Valentines Day...alot.
"It's the one day out of the year that I can express my love. Any other day, forget about it!"
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It's that time of the week! Christian met with the boys to go over some of his old stories. This one really stuck out. Hope you enjoy!
STORY TIME
The Hallmark Whore, PT 1
It all started back in 2000. Y2K. The End of the world. The year robots would take over.
Well, I never bought into it. Being a Christian cat named Christian, all i needed was muh savior J. Christ, The Holy Trinity Specter, and some fine wine.
There was this lady i was gaga over. Couldn't take my eyes off her. She worked at the local Hallmark store in the mall. I frequented the store due to all of the cats always wanting me.
Anyways, Dorothy was her name. Dorothy Wexeltrust. She was the cashier, and also a millionaire. Her family owned stocks in IBM, so at the time the cash was flowing in for them.
I decided one day to make my purr. I acted all aloof, grabbing a random "I LOVE YOU HUSBAND" card & Bouquet of Roses. I walk up to the counter, hand her the items, smile & say...
"What's my name?"
yeah. that was the first thing i said to her. I was sweating up a storm, had no idea a cat could be this nervous. This had never happened to me before!
I found out later that night i had a stroke. That's why my left paw doesn't work anymore :( THANKS ALOT DOROTHY! Bitch...
So, she looks at me and says, "You look like a nobody."
Her smile was gone. The lights in the store got dark. Suddenly there were no other customers. I heard chanting in the back of the store. It was foggy. The temperature had to have been -10° and dropping.
I Continue clamming up. The words just won't come out. Even if they had, I didn't know what to say. So i did the only thing i could do.
i purred.
She sneered at me, escorted me out of the store, slammed the gate shut and told me i'm not welcome back.
...to be continued!
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